my room has never been this messy. not even during the many times i've had to pack to leave somewhere for somewhere else. bags, both empty and filled with stuff are strewn, tossed, dropped, scattered across the floor; clothes thrown over the chair, the bed and racks droop over each other, mangled like limbs of lovers - or snapshots of an orgy of masked strangers. my room has never been this messy. and the sight of it reminds me of him.

a metallic tang emanates from my nails and peeling skin - the result of one and a half hours of degreasing grimy cogs and chains. and always looming in the back of my mind is the fear of losing my favourite pencil, something which i have done and undone multiple times. the fear is of the reality of permanence. yet permanence is but a ghostly snake which swims on the equivocal surface of the water. how empty is the sea? how full is the sky beyond the horizon? impermanence. all is incomplete.

don't worry if none of this makes sense. the need to relate and commiserate is cultured. it's ok to accept that not everything needs to be understood and remarked upon with nervous smiles... well, it's ok by me anyway. and this is something to fill in the space/push the last journal entry away since it's oh so outdated - lol, isn't vintage still fashionable?

on to the goodies of the week!:
- a present for benlui and me
- the arrival of my order of film, reflector and lens filters from usa
- free (but dirty) cogs and chains and fun times in the studio at the end of the week
- a flash accompanying a visiting friend
- lots of chocolate to convert the blues to kilojoules
- a crockpot from a family friend
- maybe some time to procrastinate and post something up
- and hopefully my box of possessions soon - they've sent it back and forth perth and melbourne enough times